never had a TRUE best friend (?)

i love my friends a lot!

i really thought i had some "real" friends, but it looks like they were not (?)

since half of them ignore me and act like i dont existed.

i try to do sweet things for them. like i treat other people the way i would like to be treated and usually i expect nothing in return.

i always try to be there for my friends, all the time.. with/out probs.

but sometimes i realized that they only come to me when they have probs or want a favor.

but even through that i still stayed loyal to them, i cant believe im just so oblivious that they have new best friends and im only their Problem Solver :')

 lately i just feel so disrespected by my friends and people who i care a lot about.

 some of them always used to mock me and put me down by saying im ugly, or call me stupid if they did better on a test/anything than i did.

 well i have ppl who i think are my best friend, n then i find out they dont think of me as their best friend.

 all of my friends already are best friends with one of my other friends,

 i would do anything for my friends. i know they like me.

 but i feel like i care and appreciate them more than they do me (?)

 i feel like i care for my friends but they talk shits about me yeah behind me.

 it makes me sad that i dont have a friend who cares for me as much as i care for them.

  

sometimes i feel like a Freaking Stupid Hopeless Girl who lost her best friends, they hurt me so much and they can't even realize that and didnt seem to appreciate me. 

ive realized that for my entire life, i have never had a best friend.

however, most people dont try and get to know me much, probably because everyone already has their groups of friends and stuff.

now i dont know where i fit in or belong! this makes me feel so miserable

 

i would really like to know what its like to have a best friend, someone who calls you their best friend and you say the same thing about them :')

i just want to find new a good friend i can trust, i can talk to about anything, who cares about me in a way other friends dont, fun and interesting people that like the same things i do and accept me for who i am rather judging me, you know, best friend stuff!